Guttless

So my therapist asked me today if I was happy to continue seeing her or if I would like to stop and find someone else. This is the out I have been looking for.

I have been so afraid of telling her I want to stop. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I didn’t want to say the words out loud.

And here she just hands it to me on a silver platter. All I had to do was open my mouth and say something. My brain was screaming, telling me to say thank you, say yes I would like to stop, say ANYTHING!!!

I just continued to stare at my feet and shrugged my shoulders.

I don’t know why I couldn’t say anything.

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One response to “Guttless

  1. I understand. Rejection hurts, and you know it. You probably don’t want to reject anyone, because you know that pain. I understand. I’m a person who doesn’t speak up a lot of the time because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But, I usually end up suffering as a result.

    I’ll give you an example. When my son started speech therapy, he was meeting with a therapist who was roughly my mother’s age and had her passive demeanor. My son is a …. I’ll just say it, manipulative little boy, and though he may have autism spectrum disorder, he knows how to work a situation to his advantage.

    My son did everything to avoid participating in therapy. He went as far as throwing one of her own toys back at her. And she just could not assert herself. My son knew this. He treated her like he would treat my mother, knowing that if he threw a big enough fit, that she would leave him alone.

    After several unsuccessful sessions, I knew that she wasn’t working. Beast (yes, that’s his nickname) required stronger personalities to match his own. But, I really couldn’t summon the courage to fire her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like she couldn’t cut it. Thankfully, my husband did it for me.

    My husband has this natural gift for tactfulness and diplomacy. And he’s taught me many lessons about letting people down gently, but still asserting my wishes. Like he’s told me, “These people are getting paid by you for their services. Technically, they work for you. And if you don’t see any benefit, it’s time to move on to someone who can provide it for you.”

    I’ll pass that on to you. Ask if the therapist can refer you to someone who may use a different approach with you. Professionally, she’ll understand.

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